Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
They took my balls.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
