I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
