I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
