We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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