Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
