Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
When did we convert life to cartoon?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
