WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
