i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
