I wish I could punch you in the face.
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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