i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
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