I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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