His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
