They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
