Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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