We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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