If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
