Fine. I'll sleep in my office
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
