I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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