i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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