I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
