she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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