Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
