i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
