Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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