Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We're using joints as your birthday candles
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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