and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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