my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize