Dual....:-)
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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