I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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