i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
And then he peed in my hair
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