Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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