Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
