Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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