i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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