I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
