I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
