Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
