Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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