college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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