I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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