wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
