It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
