im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
