just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
