Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
