I think I died a long time ago.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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