I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize