My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
