pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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