in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
