i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
