How's work?
Spinning.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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