it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
