You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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