Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
