When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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