Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
