Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
