my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
