TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
