Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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