We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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