The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
