so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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