he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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