Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
