Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
