Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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