i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
