im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
