Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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