so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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